East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
