she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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