would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
