If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
