After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
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