I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
