My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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