I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
