if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
