FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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