they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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