i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
