Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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