Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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