He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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