And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
