dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
