I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
did i just pee glitter
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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