non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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