season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
