Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
