Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
