Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
