one two three fourrrrnication!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
