I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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