My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize