She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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