this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
