Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
