hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Buhtt sex?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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