mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
