If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
