After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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