i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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