Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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