make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
