margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
