can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
