Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
