Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
