I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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