she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
