Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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