mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
