my mouth tastes like poor choices
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
