I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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