Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
