How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
