oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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