sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
someone owes me an orgasm
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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