look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize