omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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