Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
