4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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