Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
