Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
whose ass print is on the piano?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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