i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
