FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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