I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
