We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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