Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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