marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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