he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
