I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
