I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
